So today is my Dad’s memorial and I got to thinking about my old flat that I moaned about yet stayed in for over six years. The area was overrun with drug takers, there was always lots of trouble, people found overdosing was common and even a trip out to the local shop was eventful. The close was dark, the door broken and I dread to think what could happen to you in the time the trigger light realised you were there and switched itself on. The flat was an icebox in winter and a sauna in summer.
I remember having to call the police on Christmas day once because there was a fight outside. Although we personally never had any trouble from anyone when staying there. I blamed the reason for staying there on the cheap rent, location was close to college/town/work , my partner liked it etc etc.
Today I think maybe there was another reason to stay. I was close to you Dad. Every pop to the local shop brought up memories of me and you going to what I think was an old ‘Willie Low’s back then. Anyone remember? I would then help you with our heavy bags to cross the road and catch the 33 bus. The bus stop is still there and the bus (although minus the sticky blue seats) still runs.
The library still has the kids seats I remember sitting on and thankfully the beautiful old grand building has not been ripped down and replaced with something modern. I can literally still feel about nine years old when I stand at its door.
Swannie Ponds and Baxter’s Park were a short walk away and remind me of days out when you were feeling healthy and we would venture out to see the world and walk around 🙂
I used to walk past your old doctor surgery and think of days when I was there with you and I knew, even then you would not be here forever. It was not to be, you tried, I know, but you were needed as an angel.
When I lived here I could walk to your place of rest, where I as a twelve year old girl I watched my father be placed in the ground. The day is as vivid to me even now. It took all my strength not to jump in after you, the tears felt never ending.
Visits to your spot are always emotional. I have been often been alone, scared, tearful, I have asked for your guidance. There has also been many a happy time when I have brought special people to visit you, I have sat with family laughing, talking of memories, we have all grown up visiting this same spot. No matter what the weather, I like to take a blanket so I can sit, think of you and take the moment in.I always spend ages arranging your flowers and sit until I get it just right. I clean the area too, just with water of course the way you did your dusting!
That old flat can tell many a story. Friendships were made, hearts were broken, it was a refuge after the adventures of Thailand, lots and lots of alcohol was drunk and I faced a few of life’s demons. Thanks Dad for being so close to me through it all. Like everything else in life, the place had it’s purpose. I was there for a reason.
I think you would like my new flat better, I am close to the rail bridge which also makes me think of you. I think of us visiting the museum and looking at the pieces of bridge found after its tragic collapse. You knew a lot about the history and I listened intently. There was gloves, coins, a wallet and many other belongings of those who dies in the disaster. It made me think of people passing and I wonder now if this was you trying to prepare me that we are not all on this earth forever. I still love that building and although its been updated many things are there from our regular visits.
Thank you for the memories dad. Loving and missing you as always.
Your Mona .x